ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
