So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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