hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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