i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
