I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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