Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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