direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
