did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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