dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Just pee around me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
