Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
