Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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