ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
