Just cropdusted the office
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
a search helicopter?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
