lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
