She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
