Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
