ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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