I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i drank out of a bidet.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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