Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
