i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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