do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The Olympian is in my bed
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