My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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