She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize