allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
