haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
