If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
