I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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