first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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