You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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