the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
