I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
