all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
