Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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