My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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