I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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