I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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