If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
