her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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