I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
