Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
