i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
