i need an iv and a liver transplant
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
