You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
