Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
