I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
