You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
