Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
