My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
