I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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