before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
